Tag Archives: funny stories

Purposely Keeping Food In Work Fridge To Rot

Life is so fucken crazy. Like, I understand now that I need to do things with keeping in mind of the effect my actions have on other people. But it’s like most of my life i never ever EVER thought that way. I used to think that whatever I could get away with was ok. If i didn’t get caught, it wasn’t wrong. The only rules I lived by was the rule of me.

To be 100% honest I am still not to sure if I was wrong then or right now or neither.. So anyway, I started laughing the other day at work when I was in the kitchen. I had a flash back memory of when I used to work at Phizer. I remember I would purposely hide all kinds of foods that would go bad like apples and chicken in the refrigerator and whenever they would have clean out day I would take them out and put them back in after the cleaning was done.

It started to smell so bad and i remember how I just like loved the idea that my rotting food was affecting everyone else’s food and they couldn’t do anything about it.

One time this guy Marty I worked with tried to get rid of the rotting food and I flipped out at him saying that his fish salad sandwiches are just as bad and nobody has a right to censor my food.

Just off the top of my head I also used to print out fake kitchen rules signs and put them around the kitchen they would read something like

“If you want to drink coffee only drink one cup an hour , extra coffee will be considered theft and will be prosecuted to the highest extent of the law”

There were so many other things that I won’t even get into because I can seriously incinerate myself. My main idea of work and the corporate world that I was completely  convinced of was that everyone that works in an office doesn’t do anything and the way to the top is to lie like crazy and get to know people well enough to use the information that I obtained on them against them,

Allot of my theories actually worked but for whatever reason after a while, as if I could not control myself the temptation to do as many things that are the opposite of what I am supposed to do became to great.  To me the funniest things in the world were to do things that would just be so out of place in the corporate world, or anywhere for that matter.

Absurdity is still one of the biggest draws in funny and awesomeness to me. Like writing “ milk” on an orange juice box , or putting a random watermelon in a toilet bowl. See it’s not really the joke aspect of it it’s the idea of putting something in front of someone that makes no sense whatsoever that they will feel confused by and maybe never resolve because everything makes logical sense. But a watermelon in a toilet bowl doesn’t. I guess I just like to make people feel different then they normally do, yeah I guess I am kind of like a miracle worker.  It’s funny I have been at my job for a year now and I have not done anything crazy and I feel like I should get a huge reward and pat on the back and a speech made for me   “ANTHONY YOU HAVE BEEN SO NORMAL FOR OVER A YEAR HERE! EVERYDAY YOU DO WORK AND YOU REPEAT THAT WORK AGAIN THE NEXT DAY, TRULY YOU ARE AMAZING”  but that doesen thappen, that’s expected. A weel barrel is expected to roll, but I’m not a wheel barrel im a jack hammer that looks like a wheel barrel, or rather trys to look like a wheel barrel.

So maybe I pulled off the look, maybe I’ve finally been accepted as a wheel barrel. But none of the other wheel barrels understand while they are rolling around dirt and rocks like its nothing, I am gathering every effort possible to act like them and do what they do. I should be jack hammering rocks not wheeling them around. Im  like a legless kid that is pretending to have legs solely for the sake of not being embarrassed by the other legged kids. Wait, what the hell I even talking about now?

Anyway , thanks for that brain dump I needed it.