It didn’t matter to me at first but turning 30 is starting to bother me. Let’s face it we live in a society that worships youth and mocks old. I feel like I am fading into the background fast. It is hard not to feel like you are just waiting to die.
I need to escape. Come play with me. let’s roll around in blood together while we drink puppy soup and kiss eachother gingerly.
It is a known fact about me that I truly love garbage. Except for the fact that to me, what you consider to be “garbage” is really treasure.
Getting old is easy. All you have to do is nothing.
It seems that age is the only thing in life that is going to happen to you, no matter what and you cannot stop it. It seems as if age is a little bit of a joke. It is a constant reminder that you need to act on your thoughts or forever hold your peace.
Ding dong. I LOVE when the doorbell rings! some people say It will bring you GOOD things!
Sometimes when you reach the darkness depth of your mind and self
and there seems like there is no light in life.
I am not sure if it is a direct result of being home schooled but when I was growing up I always felt the need to crawl down into sewers and play in streams. People often went looking for me because I was not home in time for dinner. The first place they would look would be down in the stream or under the bridge.
I knew other home schooled child people that shared this same obsession. Constantly thinking about being in the stream, being near the stream. Watching the water go down the drain and feeling oddly enough jealous since it would reach the stream before me. It was almost as if being down in the stream was the only place I really fit in. Cray fish running amok, guppies picking at my pebbles and the occasional bike tire lodged in a pile of old diapers and hangers.
Even now as I sit in my office in Manhattan, I stare out the window watching the rain and I can’t help to wonder what level the stream is at right now. Oh, Joyess day it would be when the streams would overflow and the streets would flood.
I am in no way joking about this. I know it sounds ridicules. If you come across k any other home schooled child ask them about water and being near it. If they feel comfortable enough, they just may tell you a similar love / obsession for being near a water that runs.